By bro Lee Tian Seng
When there is a conflict in the family, couples often blame each other for causing the problem. However, we should examine ourselves before pointing our fingers at our spouses.
2 Corinthians 13:5 - Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.
We should reflect upon the Word of God to see if we have sinned against God.
James 1:25 - But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
We should not just focus on our spouses’ faults but overlook our own. At times, we think that our sin is not as great as our spouses’, and so we begin to judge our spouses. It would be self-righteous and hypocritical to criticise our spouses, but not consider that we have also sinned. We should first remove the “plank” from our own eyes before trying to remove the speck in our spouses’ eyes.
Matthew 7:3-5 - And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
It is not right to criticise others for their sin when we ourselves refuse to admit that we have sinned. When we realise that we have sinned, we should feel godly sorrow, which leads to repentance.
2 Corinthians 7:10 - For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.
Repenting of our sins is a change of mind and action that shows that we have changed. We also need to pray for God’s forgiveness of our sins.
Acts 8:22 - Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.
We need to confess or admit that we have sinned and ask our spouses to forgive us. If our spouses have sinned and repented, we are to forgive them as often as we are asked to.
James 5:16 - Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
Luke 17:3-4 - Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
We should not be proud and try to cover up our sins, but be open and honest with our sins. God knows when we have sinned against Him. It is through repentance and confession of sins that we make ourselves right with God and also with our spouses.