By bro Lee Tian Seng
Parents may know what they should do as parents but they may have a problem in agreeing with each another on the purpose and practice of parenting. When there is a conflict in parenting, there will be inconsistency in the way parents teach and discipline their children. Children suffer when this happens in the family. They will receive mixed messages from parents and are often unsure of what the rules to keep.
Christian parents must agree with each another on the purpose of bringing up their children. If they are not united in seeking to bring up godly children, there will be conflicts. For example, the mother thinks that school education is more important than attending Bible class or participating in church activities. The father thinks that church activities that support the spiritual development of their children should be given priority because it concerns the children’s eternal salvation. How do we resolve such differences and agree to train our children in the way of the Lord?
Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Ephesians 6:4 - And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Firstly, Christians should seek to marry a Christian partner because an unbeliever will not seek spiritual goals in parenting. Couples are bound to have disagreements and quarrels about how to bring up their children.
2 Corinthians 6:14 - Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
Also, couples should discuss about parenting goals before they are married. If there are irreconcilable differences in parenting goals and principles, they should not marry. This is important because differences in parenting can lead to marital conflicts and a broken marriage. Such discussion can be facilitated in a pre-marriage counselling session.
Couples should study the Bible together and seek the wisdom of God to guide them in parenting. They should consider their faith and commitment to the Lord because if any of these are lacking, they will not obey God concerning parenting. If there is sin in their lives, couples could confess their sins and pray for each another. This will surely help them to commit to God’s purpose in parenting.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 - All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
James 5:16 - Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
Once couples are united in God’s purpose of parenting, the rest will fall into place. They need to set rules for their children and expect them to follow. They will not dispute in front of their children about these rules, which should have been discussed and agreed upon. In disciplining their children, they should be consistent and always support each another.
Parenting will only be effective when parents are united in purpose and are consistent in disciplining their children. All these should be done for the glory of God who blesses us with children.