By bro Lee Tian Seng
Love is a choice and a matter of the will. It is not just when you feel like being loving or romantic. God has commanded us to love our spouses.
Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
The Bible teaches us that husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. To what extent should this love be? It is written that Jesus Christ loved us while we were yet sinners, not because we were loveable.
Romans 5:6-8 - For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God’s love for us is unconditional. Similarly, our love for our spouse should be unconditional. It is to love in spite of our spouse’s negative behaviours. This does not mean accepting our spouse’s sinful behaviour, but loving the person. God loved the world and gave His only begotten Son, but this gracious act requires our faith and obedience to the Gospel.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
We need to learn how to love our spouses (Titus 2:4). The Bible teaches us that we should love in words, in thoughts and in deeds.
We should express our love in words, just as God did in the Bible.
Ephesians 5:2 - And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.
Husbands and wives should practise saying, “I love you” or “I appreciate you as my wife/ husband.” This will help to communicate love and build a loving relationship.
We should express our love in thoughts for our spouses, both in showing consideration and kindness.
1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
We can do this by considering the needs of our spouses rather than just our own. Thinking and praying for them. Wishing the best for them.
Finally, we should express our love in deeds. There is no love if it is just words.
1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
God expressed His love by giving His Son (John 3:16). So it is in marriage. Husbands and wives should do things for one another to show love. It is not just giving presents to one another but also doing acts of service. Husbands could cook for their wives or shop for groceries, than to just leave it to their wives. Wives could help to run errands for their husbands or bring the children out, so that their husbands can focus on working at home.
We are commanded to be committed to love our spouses, and to do it in our words, thoughts and actions. This is the will of God in marriage.