By bro Lee Tian Seng
Couples need to learn how to resolve problems in marriage promptly rather than to keep them. Once you realize that there is an offence, you should take the initiative to have an open talk about the problem.
Matthew 18:15 -Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
You should clearly describe the problem and how it has affected you. Tell your spouse how you feel or are hurt, and ask for a solution. Most of the time, if couples are open to each other and the relationship is good, the talk will result in better understanding, forgiveness, and a solution. If the offending party is not willing to admit his or her errors, or refuse to work on the problems affecting the relationship, it may be necessary to seek help from others.
Matthew 18:16 - But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
You could approach a close relative or friend or a member of the church for advice or for mediation. It should be someone that both of you highly respect, so that you would be more open to his or her counsel. You could talk to the elders about your problem. The couple can benefit from the wise counsel and prayers of the elders. If necessary, and it is a serious problem, especially when it involves the sin of an unrepentant party, you should tell the church so that the erring party receives disciplinary actions of the church.
Matthew 18:17- And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
When seeking reconciliation, one party may realise his or her errors or sins, and confesses his or her sins and ask God for His forgiveness. God is most gracious and forgiving to us all and will forgive us and not remember our sins.
1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If he or she asks you to forgive him or her, you need to forgive him or her. Married couples need to learn how to forgive each another when they are hurt or offended by their spouses.
When one party in the marriage repents, confesses and asks for forgiveness, the other party must forgive him or her. If you do not forgive your spouse, God will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:14-15 - For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
God will also not accept our worship if we do not forgive our spouse and solve our relationship problem.
Matthew 5:23-24 - Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Problems and conflicts in marriage can be resolved by forgiveness. Without forgiveness, one would still hold a grudge, and cannot love his or her spouse as he or she should.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.