Bro bro Lee Tian Seng
The cause of problems and conflicts in marriage is often sin in the life of the individual partners. There are many types of sin in marriage, but let us consider the following:
Pride – The problem is when someone always wants to have the last word or say, without considering the views of his or her partner. When there is a fault, no one is humble enough to admit that he or she has made a mistake or was wrong.
James 4:6 - But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Anger – This is the leading cause of physical and emotional abuse. It causes a person to ignore the other or to hold a grudge, which results in bitterness.
Ephesians 4:26 - “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
Lust – It causes a person to be attracted to another person other than his or her spouse and be unfaithful.
Proverbs 5:8 - Remove your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.
Envy – Not being content, but desiring what others have, can cause a person to seek after another person’s spouse, house, car, or money.
Titus 3:3 - For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.
Greed – Some people have spent so much time at work to earn more money and amass wealth that that they neglect their marriage and family.
Ephesians 5:5 - For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Laziness – Some people do not want to work or refuse to take up hard labour, and therefore do not provide for the financial needs of their families. Others are lazy in not helping with the house chores or taking care of their children, leaving the burden to their spouses who eventually suffer burnout.
1 Timothy 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
When there is a sin in marriage, it has to be deal with like any sin. The Bible teaches us that we should rebuke our brethren if they sin against God.
Luke 17:3-4 - Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
So, it is right for one person to confront and rebuke his or her spouse of sin, and if he or she repents, to forgive him or her.
If the spouse who sinned refuses to repent, then find brethren who can help to convince him or her. Sin is not a private matter, but must be dealt with seriously, yet with sensitivity.
Matthew 18:15-16 – “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
Dealing with the sin of our spouses is a loving thing to do because it seeks reconciliation in marriage and saves their souls.
Matthew 5:23-24 - Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
James 5:19-20 - Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
The person who receives a rebuke or has his or her fault highlighted should react with the attitude of humility and a contrite heart. Some people may be too proud to admit their sins and become defensive. This is not a wise attitude towards a rebuke because it will result in them losing their souls.
Proverbs 10:17 - He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, But he who refuses correction goes astray.
Proverbs 15:31-32 - The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise. He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding.
When there is a problem or a conflict in marriage, let us reflect if we have sinned against God and against our spouses. If so, be ready to deal with it or repent of it.