By bro Lee Tian Seng
Having conflicts in marriage is not unusual, but the problem lies in how couples resolve their conflicts. Conflicts and problems cannot be resolved when one or both partners refuse to talk and work together to solve them. One partner could insist that he or she is right and that there is no need to discuss with his or her partner. Some men may have the wrong idea that since God said that he is the head of the wife, then he has the right to decide on everything without consulting his wife.
However, we should note that this is a wrong thinking because husbands need to consider the views of their wives and discuss with them matters that will affect them. For example, if the husband decides to buy a new house, invest a huge sum of money, or migrate to a foreign country. Surely, there is wisdom in discussing such matters with his wife because it will affect her. More so, when it concerns conflicts and problems in marriage.
While the Bible teaches that the husband is head of the wife, just as Jesus is head of the church, we also see that God listens to our requests in prayer. So, is it wrong for husbands to listen to their wives?
Ephesians 5: 25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
Philippians 4:6 - Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
We also learn that the husband should love his wife just as he does his own body. The husband loves his body and takes care of his bodily needs. So, should husband love and provide the wife’s needs? If so, how would he know her needs if he does not communicate with her?
Ephesians 5:28-29 – So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
In communication, we learn that we should listen more carefully to others than to speak rashly. Does this apply to the husband listening to his wife?
James 1:19 - So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
If the husband does not discuss matters with his wife and listen to her, he will not be able to understand his wife’s needs and feelings. Then, he cannot show consideration towards his wife as what God told him to.
1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
When a man has the attitude that he does not need to discuss with his wife about decisions that affect her, he shows a general misunderstanding of Scripture. When there are conflicts and problems in marriage, and he does not discuss with his wife, it cannot be resolved. Serious problems can be resolved only when both husband and wife are willing to sit down and talk about them.